1-800-HOWS-MY-BLOARDING

every year i sit down in front of the Fireplace, flames roaring, with a newspaper across my lap. i am nude. there is a glass of warm lemonade in my hand. i need to crap really bad. i sing an acapella version of "You Gotta Be The One", a song i invented that nobody knows except me. when im done singing it i crap into the newspaper, use the obituaries to wipe my ass, and toss the whole bundle into the fireplace. my house smells like shit for weeks after and i cant have any guests over. then it's 11:58pm and i jack off until new yeear's a cum at exactly 12:00:01. then i watch a Louis CK standup marathon with the volume off and no subtitles and mouth every joke because i have them all memorized. then i fall asleep naked on the floor. i do this every year and i am 108 years old

They walk up to you and kiss you right on the lips and before you can react they say "see you on bloard, fatass" and escape into the nearest metro station before you can I.D. them or ask questions or take a photo of you r assailant. which one of you did this to me? (good kissing btw)

*walking in with Biscotti crumbs all ovber my face and shirt* did somebody say policy

CONFIRMED famous bloarders so far: Leonardo DiCaprio Justin Bieber Carrie Fisher (RIP) SUSPECTED famour blaorders: Bruce Willis Drake Andy Warhol (RIP) Britney Spears

anyways so you may be wondering whats the big idea? well lets take a look shall we..... FIVE quick and easy steps to stimulate bloard activity🏄 and increase ad-revenue💰 _____________________________________________________________________ 1. all bloard posts must contain a major soda beverage in the title (eg., pepsi, cola, diet cola) 2. zero tolerance for posts about: movies, music, book's, magazine's -- any media that isnt Bloard-related is off limits [this creates an internal economy] 3. flood the site with bots that post randomly generated bloard posts to give the illusion of activity 4. elite bloarders get perks such as "emblems" and/or " powerups" (under development) 5. big money giveaways and "Bloard Store" where you can trade bloard points for sweet merch such as tshit or custom sweater i have studied business&marketing. this plan will lead to "$$" or maybe even "$$$$$" and definitely tonnes of the coveted "+" happy halloween bloarders 👻👻👻👽👿

This Car Drives Fast, Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

caution: turns widely and slowly, stopping many times to brake-check during th e turns also and sometimes backing up to improve the turning angle. basically if i start to signal that im turning get the fuck out of my lane or you'll be stuck lookin at this rear bumper for most of you're day. yes i hav e a valid licence bich. if your the police reading this im sorry my back window is covered up by a huge sticker. my uncle is a cop and hee said it's allowed you calling him a liar? [bloard.com] [love my pets]

IMPORTANT GYM DISCOVERY: lifting a pencil up and down 6,000,000 times is the same as one bench press of 150 lbs

i am simply retarded of this.

my nipples are 5 inches long and hard and brittle like old ice *begins removing shirt *

the gym is basically a RPG . here' swhy

Love Blord

i am simply retarded of this

i, am simply, retarded of this.

terrible music everyone, keep it up

😫😣😣😣😣😣😣

[quote=kingdad42;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Fblunt-bloard%2Fposts%2F11303] Check this out: Never ever do numbers in the weed chat again. This is for cool guys who dont do math and smoke huge doobers, not calculate numbers like some little point dexter in algebron class [/quote] OK hELLO btich (trying to snap my wire frame glasses but they just bend a little) i'b sboking hube bjoints of W3333333BD

me: so basically its a website where you post sick shit an get upvotes like a mothefukre!!! ex wife: just sign the affidavit gamestop employee: cool.

didnt read all this but i agree

bolord docom ..life for tha shh

mandatory bloard service. I talked to the Feds

[quote=wowneat;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Ffeeling-a-bit-lonely%2Fposts%2F887] Whoa. Hold on. Let's get a couple things straight here. Not to derail the thread. But first of all the Classical period *ended* with Beethoven's death, either 1824 or 27 I'm not sure and I'm eating a sandwich with one hand so I can't open a new wikipedia tab to check, and by the year 1835 that was the heydey of Berlioz and by then also Schumann was growing always growing and becoming better musician then. I dont really think the tuba really has much to do with what was now the Romantic period in music which ended in the year 1900 also but many new instruments were invented in the 1800s including the saxophone and also the valve trumpet as well and even the very peculiar ophicleide even. some of the greatest works of music were also composed during this period including all of Wagner's repertoire which was very interesting and pushed many boundaries as well as his near contemporary Brahms with his "composer's composer" style of writing (he was a master of counterpoint and a "composer's composer") and a also Mahler with his great epic Symphonies and even on this "side of the pond" Foster and The March King John Phillip Sousa (not to mention Charles Ives was already writing crazy stuff in the late 18's as well but hes considered a modernist composer and died in the 1950s) but yeah anyway these couldh ardly be called "Classical" in any real historic sense of the word other than the fact that we consider them "classic" in the clolloqual (sp?) way of speaking these days. i have to admit yes the 1800s were great and really saw the blosseming of what the seed of people like Mozart and Beethove sewn and these flowers grew into the great Repertoire which we now know and love as Romantic Era music. Also lets not forget about Schubert he was ahead of his time (actually he was a contemporary of Beethoven technically and died in like 1827 i think but we still count him as a Romantic composer as he was ahead of his time despite his death date) Also one final note: Bach is NOT CLASSICAL and niether is anyone who wrote music Pre 1750 or Post 1824 or 27 (eg Debussy Handel etc etc) and i really have to hammer this fact despite the fact that his music sounds like classical and if you listen to it actually no it doesnt and it is very harmonically pure compared to many of the devises used by later composers (for example distant modulations from say a neopolitian chord a la Schubert for example) and people make this mistake all the time but I just want to clear that up for you. I don't know if that answers your question but i don't see how the tuba has much to do with this thread or classical music [/quote] jus thginkjing abound thyjs ...bloarbdb

[img]http://brianorndorf.typepad.com/.a/6a00e54ee7b6428833017616771763970c-500wi[/img]

okay bich !

[quote=yoshifanatic1488;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Fpost-itt-if-you-can-t-in-yoshi-s-bcuz-u-love-drama-fake-friends-bullshit%2Fposts%2F4687] 💣 [/quote] AHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH EVERYONE GET OUT!!!!!!

GOOD MORNING SWEETHEART!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[quote=slow%20learner;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Fants-pro-or-con%2Fposts%2F11322] WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO [/quote] WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

Guess who just got back today Them wild-eyed bloards that had been away Haven't changed that much to say But man, I still think them posts are crazy They were askin' if you were around How you was, where you could be found Told 'em you were on fitness bloard Drivin' all the old men crazy The boys are back in bloard (The boys are back in bloard)

wooooooooooooooooooooooooooo so horniy

ants in my pants

(thinking of how i can make a statement so broad that it encompasses and disavows all potential posts on the matter, thus utterly halting the thread's progression ) pee pee ...hmmM?mmm.., and poo poo :)

[quote=rupy;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Fplans-to-bring-in-more-bloard-users%2Fposts%2F5803] Thank you! i 'll enjoy the posts! [/quote] please enjoy thanm

great work everyone here's mine [youtube]J8cO3tZO2L4[/youtube]

[quote=wowneat;%2Fbloards%2Fawareness_and_activism%2Ftopics%2Fbloarder-of-the-month%2Fposts%2F6784] congrats slow learner on becoming the new bloarder of the month [img]https://i.imgur.com/oySPuQx.png[/img] [/quote] thank you so much holy shit this was THREE YEARS AGO and i'm just finding out about it NOW

(hunkering down backwards on a wheelie chair and slowly rolling down a San Franciscan hillside [read: steep]) yes I'm Berk Odis, creator and founder of /no fap/ , and I , like billions of you out htere, have recently broken a 20,000 day streak. now i know what you're thinking: "Berk, the average human only lives 27,375 days, how will you top your streak????????" my anser is simple: by killeing myself. Goodebye,

hey i am simply retarded of this

wuthering bloard ..it's me im swanny im so cold let me into your window

when i approached the bloard secretary, she told me that i could only register under my real, legal name. "pshh," i thought. "What a load of baloney. why are you laughing? people say that, right? Load of baloney? anyway..." imagine my surprise when, 6 monthbs later, after posting like a madman, i come down with a) brittle bones syndrome, b) mario's disease, and c) gangrened earlobes. the worst part? i haven't learned my lesson .

[quote=jerry;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Fthread-for-swearing%2Fposts%2F4614] Cumby [/quote] i am simply-- **suffers delicate aneurysm