*offers you 2 lawnmowers and hammer* “would any of you fine folk like to shop in my world famous travelling hardware store?”

"yes i would like to shop in it"

*brings my honda lawnmower in* yes hello there. I would like my honda lawnmower serviced please. Can you change the oil, sharpen the blades and replace the spark plugs? Also I need some more line for my stihl string trimmer please.

could you plase fix my scredriver its been bent, my husband got really really mad (playign smash mothers..) i want to fix my table but the bolts are loose and now i cant fix it!! but first i';;l get in line.. line cutting is bad

reckon ya could give me a job polishing lawn mowners ill even shine up that hammer if ya fancy it

*breathes in pine aroma

[quote=hillips;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F7638] *breathes in pine aroma [/quote] same. I'm here for the smell

i walk up to the registers and drop a fat sack of lug nuts on the counter. "going a need these for my. Secret Project" i have noticed the cashier looking at the nuts with a sort of gleam in his eye. has he ever seen a bag this full? perhaps it is best to give him a moment to process the situation. i leave the store

HOLY SHIT!!! moog!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP!!!!!!

hi sorry guys i was at lunch. just form a queue or something and ill do all the orders when the card reader is on

[quote=scout;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10417] HOLY SHIT!!! moog!!! WHAT THE FUCK IS UP!!!!!! [/quote] haha ayyy haha not much lol just trying to get my hardware store stocked

yall gotany jobs

hey sir I am looking for some metal screens for a project I am working on. I'd also like some candy bars if you have any.. I'm thinking like those snickers ones with peanut butter? do you know the kind I mean?

[quote=littleerik;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10425] hey sir I am looking for some metal screens for a project I am working on. I'd also like some candy bars if you have any.. I'm thinking like those snickers ones with peanut butter? do you know the kind I mean? [/quote] [img]https://i.imgur.com/evBN4Di.jpg[/img] thats $15 please

[quote=jerry;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10423] yall gotany jobs [/quote] yes we need a guy to spin the sign around, its a big arrow with "famous traveling hardware store, known in 30 states and approved by the FDA, we sell hammers, tools and saws. next left turn" written on it. we expect you to be able to spin this sign with incredible speed and dexterity

I can spin it. Up my butt lmao

[quote=dereklaserbeam;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10431] I can spin it. Up my butt lmao [/quote] fuckin lol this guy's hired

bloarp

“I’ve been walking around for 15 minutes without seeing any employees to help me. Is something wrong here? Hello?” I said this 32 times in the store before leaving. On the way out I threw a punch at the cashier, I missed but he got the message. 3/10.

[quote=Chernip;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10434] “I’ve been walking around for 15 minutes without seeing any employees to help me. Is something wrong here? Hello?” I said this 32 times in the store before leaving. On the way out I threw a punch at the cashier, I missed but he got the message. 3/10. [/quote] dont let the damn door hit your ass on the way out too, buddy

*muffled because I’m across the street at my new way better store* yeah Hey thanks for the heads up, I’m across the street at my new way better store.

"greetings kind merchant, i'd like to peruse your wares. please show me to your finest selection of axes... and mayhaps ye can fletch a few flight arrows to replenish my companions dwindling quiver?"

[quote=%E2%98%83;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10464] "greetings kind merchant, i'd like to peruse your wares. please show me to your finest selection of axes... and mayhaps ye can fletch a few flight arrows to replenish my companions dwindling quiver?" [/quote] im not really sure what that is but im pretty sure we have it "in the back", i can spend 5 minutes looking for it in a small cupboard behind the till while a small queue of agitated customers builds up behind you if you'd like?

we’ve got 5 year old hatchets we’ve never sold across the street, just sayin😏

*shoplifts an 8lb spool of lead solder*

[quote=jerry;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10479] *shoplifts an 8lb spool of lead solder* [/quote] another happy customer, fantastic

PSA: going out of business sale, liquidating all stock everything 40% off 😞

Looks like the Chernman has come out on top in this one B)

*pick up a machete* *Chops exactly 40% off of the propietors left arm*

[quote=jerry;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10495] *pick up a machete* *Chops exactly 40% off of the propietors left arm* [/quote] (talking through tears) "thats $7.50 please, thanks for shopping at the world famous travelling hardware store"

awww man, you guys shutting down? that's just such a shame 😏

i walk towards the door with intent to leave without paying

hey pigfoot do you guys have a customer loyalty program where I put my phone number in the point of sale system and then maybe I get a little discount on common items (like snickers bars the kind with the peanut butter in them not the fucking regular ones that your grandad ate when he was getting ready to do underage drinking and cunnilingus on your grandma out behind the barn) and in exchange you get to track what stuff I commonly buy and maybe market to me via email?

i turn around and wait to see if this guy talks more about gramma getting eaten out barn style

Hey guys whats going on!? Just got back from eating out some gramma behind a barn... whoa whats with all the blood?

Just dropping off a load of fertilizer and fire pit starter logs sir. I had to use a u-haul since my delivery truck broke down but I just want to say I am definitely bringing those goods here and not using them for any other kind of nefarious reason. I drove the truck straight here and did not even once consider stopping by the Chernip Hardware HQ and igniting them.

[quote=littleerik;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10500] hey pigfoot do you guys have a customer loyalty program where I put my phone number in the point of sale system and then maybe I get a little discount on common items (like snickers bars the kind with the peanut butter in them not the fucking regular ones that your grandad ate when he was getting ready to do underage drinking and cunnilingus on your grandma out behind the barn) and in exchange you get to track what stuff I commonly buy and maybe market to me via email? [/quote] listen here i thought i told you $15 for the damn snickers bar you can either buy one or im calling the cops

Pigfoot I. Sorry

[quote=jerry;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10513] Pigfoot I. Sorry [/quote] that is ok, i have come to accept losing a limb as a part of the hardware store lifestyle

[quote=pigfoot_vermont;%2Fbloards%2FbloaRP%2Ftopics%2Fthe-bloard-hardware-store-rp%2Fposts%2F10507] listen here i thought i told you $15 for the damn snickers bar you can either buy the one or im calling the cops [/quote] (I flash my badge and pull out my nightstick) big mistake, criminal