it's pretty hard to unfuck yourself and lifestyle i have found, most of the time at least.
wowneat
😬😬
- https://bloard.com/bloards/gbs/topics/why-do-i-make-really-bad-posts-a-self-healp-thread
- i like the one where you talked about how it was mustard not cheese on your vegan tendies
- Look, we all know it's true: You're a fuckposter. That is to say, you're worse than the shittiest of shitposters. You fucking suck Titanic Ant dick. Really bad. Smelly. Shitty. Vile. That's what your posts are. You're the Hindenburg of failson fuckposter shitfellas, and it's plain for all eyes to see. When everyone notices your stupid idiot shit handle on the right hand side of the screen and the red "-> X new" next to the title, everyone shields both their eyes and noses. They can smell your unclean hangnails clack on your virgin Cherry MX's that you've spent your disappointed mother's husband's stepfather's retirement money on, and they can imagine your discoloured back sweat on your stained "Gamer Chair" which you bought by begging with teary bloodshot shitty eyes those idiots on Twitch to sub to you so you could get a couple extra $ for your failfuck shitstain fuckboy shithead fuckshit lifestyle of empty nothingness and halitosis which somehow emanates from every body cavity which we can all smell through our monitors, you worthless fucking shitfuck. My god, look at you. There's no fucking hope, whatsoever. It's pathetic, it's sad, and we're all very, very sorry you exist every time we're reminded that you exist by you fuckson failboy fartposts. How are you going to get out of this one? More importantly, is it worth it? We can smell your farty tears rolling down you enormous, acne-cratered face as you read this. It's so fucking sad. It's SO sad. I'm crying as I write this, in fact. How will you stop fucking up with every heartbeat pumping your fartblood through your shitveins? Well, we're here to talk about it. We're here to talk about YOU. That's right, about the 300-lb bag of dogshit reading this RIGHT NOW. You are the star of the show now, you hulking mistake. We're talking about how you fucked up. About how you smell so bad the shower has to take a shower every time you remember you have a bathroom. We're talking about your fuckson failboyposts. It's all you. It's on you. We're staring at you. We can smell you. We're waiting. We're sorry. Anyway, hope that helps. Thanks for checking out the self-help thread 👀
- [quote=wowneat;%2Fbloards%2FHorny_bloard%2Ftopics%2Fwhat-get-s-your-thang-going%2Fposts%2F5410] just kind of feel it out, no real prefs here. let my hands do the walkin and talkin, yeah? normally i get slapped public but i got lucky in a dark room with my parents once. [/quote] i feel the need to clarify this post which was obviously misinterpreted which is why i recieved not as many plus one's as i should of. just because my parents were in the room doens't mean that i was letting my hands "talk to them" so to speak. i just happened to be in the same room as my parents when the power went out while we were at a sex-havers-only party, which was held at highly secretive place which i will not tell you, but it's related to a jordan peterson fanclub afterparty, before which we viewed like 2 and a half videos of his on youtube. anyway, the power went out, and so my hands started doing what they do best, i must have felt like at least 5 or 7 boobs, roughly, i won't go into too much detail, the details aren't important, but yeah it really got my thing going, so to speak, i hope you understand what i mean by this.
- hot take: what if bloardman is really 3 ants in an incel costume
- you cuold always digiornios 👀
- kingdad69 was alone on the couch on a saturday night, empty beer in hand. his tv was the color of a tv tuned to a dead channel. i.e., it was grey static. i.e., it was the color and texture of his soul - ever since bl@rdman had left xis life. ah, how long had it been? he picked at the label of his michelob ultra. sigh. siiiiiiiiiigh. he wondered if he should change the channel. his eyes lazily searched the cumstained, piss stained carpet of his cheap apartment in wichita, nebraskee. nebraskee. sigh. that's exactly how bloardm@n used to prenounce it. kingdad69 slowly, silently mouthed the word. "neh. brahh. skee." only the "sk" was audible. he made an exaspirated fart noise with his mouth. the MGD64 in his hand was warm. the bottle was warm. it was see-through. it was warm, see-through, and about 10 inches long. it felt as hefty as blordman's c*ck. he sniffed the opening. ahhh. the faint smell of highly processed fermented beverage. it was more water than beer. just like blortman used to say when they woke up together in the morning. kingdad56 looked at the clock. it was unplugged. the face was blank. an unknown hour. the witching hour. the witching hour in witchita. haw haw, he thought. i'm not very clever. not without... HIM here... he laid down sideways so that he could only see the tv with one eye, the other being obscured by a combination of coutch and sex-swing-which-had-replaced-coffee-table. he closed his eyes. he was too tired and depressed to even cry. how could a grown man in his 60s feel this way about a that 18 year old runaway? kingdad felt not just a deep and depraved/fucked up/totally kinked-out sexual desire for the young boy who still had an entire life of gay sex aheda of him. he felt a fatherhood-like connection with the lad. he sighed out of his crusty, white-haired nostrils, and closed his eyes. perhaps, perhaps paul blardman bloard cop would come back to his arms - crash into him - like that dave matthews song from the 90s - and i come into you. in a boy's dream. and a couple tears hit the fart-smelling cushions.
- i was going to write a typical long response but instead i'll just come right out and say it: the ant platform just doesn't work for me. sorry.
- the only thing that's sleeping is your ability to make original posts [img]https://static-cdn.jtvnw.net/emoticons/v1/936820/1.0[/img] [edited for clarity]
- today's my day off so i was going ask my fellow bloardmen. the trainer at my Local Planet fitness keeps giving me the "you don't look repulsive to me" eyes, which i think may be a trap, because i am actually a giant walking 50-gallon black contractor's trashbag filled to the top with hair and lard. She was at the desk when i slathered my way up and gave the little keykard thing attached to my keychain thing for her to scan, and she gave me those eyes, so i blurted out "BLOARD DOT COM" and then coughed because i choked on my own spit a little which a little of which flew out of my mouth onto her yellow trainer shirt that said "trainer",i quickly grabbed my keychain and quickly waddled to the bathroom where i nervously began to fart a lot while my face turned the color of an embarrassed beet. do you guys think i have a chance? i hope she gets on Bloard, and she can come in this thread and talk about bloard, and also gym bloard-related stuff, what do you guys think? she doesn't have a nametag, so i don't know what her name is, other than "Trainer," i'm thinking she looks like a Christy or Natalie, something with a long "E" sound at the end, she's very pretty, and my bowels are starting to loosen thinking about the whole situation. thoughts?
- [quote=bug%20deal;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Freal-talk-the-bloard-thread-with-a-strict-no-irony-policy%2Fposts%2F6130] I really want to die asap. can’t talk to anyone about that though. that’s just the depression talking, or i’m obligated to report this to the authorities. or something like that, is what various people would say. [/quote] sorry to hear that my dude. as cliche as it sounds, don't feel guilty about reaching out or asking for help especially when you need to. i'm sure the fellow bloarders would give you permission to go seek help even when you can't give yourself permission 👌
- conspiracy: bloard is purgatory. the poster with the most +1s when bloardman (god) inevitably deactivates this empty shithole gets 69 bloard virgins and everyone else is relegated to gbs forever
- [quote=blandkidneystone;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Fbloard-conspiracies%2Fposts%2F6118] I have a theory but im scared to talk about it as it might ruin some friendships 😕😕 [/quote] is the conspiracy that you have friends 😂👏
- [quote=blandkidneystone;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Fbloard-conspiracies%2Fposts%2F6098] I havnt posted in a while and im uncreative and have a dull sense of humor so this is wht i came up with. [/quote] wow really hits home man anyway here's a conspiracy theory: the guy that has the twitter handle @wowneat isn't actually me. he must have grabbed my handle after i jumped ship around 2012ish after i broke up with my gf at the time and got really really depressed about it. just wanted to posit that as a conspiracy. it'd be big if true.
- me. see: my twitter. haha. i'm very funny, which is why people are constantly postin gmy twitter account.
- [quote=dereklaserbeam;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Fi-got-banned-from-twitter-for-questioning-the-narrative%2Fposts%2F6026] https://twitter.com/wowneat/status/518173734377906176?s=21 [/quote] *begins to uncontrollably shit and piss all over myself while gritting my teeth and tears streaming from my bloodshot eyes* HAHAHAHA I LOVE LAUGHING I FUCKING LOVE TO LAUGH SO MUCH
- [youtube]v0bqSJXhAAE[/youtube]
- twitter is for s*yb*ys that think "my wife" jokes are funny. consider yourself reedeemed in my eyes, YoshiFanatic2488. welcome back.
- *face continues to get increasingly red out of rage and embarrassment* HAHAHA I LOVE LAUGHING WITH YOU GUYS
- haha guys real funny *brings fist down onto desk dramatically while turning red*
- oh god no... it's finally come out... my name is steve mcqueen and i make "my wife" jokes meta-unironically...
- i dont blieve in twitter, when u die u just die
- wiener status: soap'd will update tomorrow with the current wiener status
- i never understood why people say they smoke trees or leafs like, you smoke the bud. ground up ones. anyone have this feel?
- pre-emptive good morning in case i forget, which is likely because i'm very busy and important and often forget to log in to bloard on a daily basis because i'm extremely important, in my community, i'm on the board of trustees for my township of 2300 people in the great state of Ohio, my job isn't important, i'll give you a hint it's related to the knights of columbus building function on friday nights for the elderly, it involves the word bingo, won't get too specific, anyway, just wnated to get in here pre-early (like 12 hours early) and say good morning, but just assume i'm saying it for saturday morning, sorry to keep hammering the point but i'm seriously busy, i don't really have time for bloard all the time, i love you bloarders/bloardettes out there, also those that bloarder/bloardette doesn't cover, love you all, just really busy, thanks for being there, just been busy, please don't forget to subscribe to my channel, but like i said i'm sorry i don't bloard every night shit's just been crazy with my job and the township, you know old bonnie f. has been needing extra help getting in and out of her car on friday nights, just part of the job, again please like and subscribe, i'll try to keep streaming on a regular basis because i know you all out there love that PUBG (it ain't dead yet!) and whatnot but just i want to thank all your bloarders/bloardettes/bloardxrs out there, stay strong, love you all, thanks, peace out, cya
- i was doing great until i had pizza and biscuits like 3 days in a row... i'm such a sloppy hogboy, i apologize my fellow gym bloarders time for leg day...
- [quote=littleerik;%2Fbloards%2Fgbs%2Ftopics%2Fplans-to-bring-in-more-bloard-users%2Fposts%2F5797] please enjoy the posts [/quote] dont do this
- the guy that lives in the dumpster behind littleerik's gym/garage? that steve?
- I'll be there, even though some bloarders adhere to strict Bloardism which considers partying to be explicitly Blaram (lit. "Unclean"). Horny Bloard is particularly strict about about there interpretation of the Bloar'an, which states that tea parties with dakimakura are preferable to "pig disgusting 3D" women.
- "bloard is in the eye of the +1'er" - tagline for the bloard sports drink, bloarderaids™